Neo (neonix25) wrote,

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OMGZ OUCH! Punk to Vanitee

I haven't written in this thing ever!

I just came o to complain so hear it goes! I joined a gym yesterday because I want to be "supah hot" you know, get my work out on and get some muscles... okay, I just want a nice chest, sue me. I'm a product of my culture.

But the thing is, I haven't done like a push up or any kind of strength training in a long time. Oh, I mean a looong time. And even when I did, it was kinda wack. I like running- I can run forever. But Running + a super metabolism equals burning not only fat but muscle. and I realize that today because I could only do 15 effing minutes of my damn hour-work out.

15 minutes. shit, it felt like half an hour. And then I told the guy I didn't eat much before I came and I thought that I was lying to him to get out of it (I know, I'm starting a good exercise regime) but then I got so fucking dizzy. I was out-of-breath and I thought the world was slowly slipped away...

And all around me, these gym rats- young, old, heavy, and slim- are going about their routines all gangsta. Had "Punk" written all over my forehead and can you say emasculated when your trainer tells you how a middle aged woman got on the leg press machine and hammered away, but you got on their and acted like a big ol' punkass?

I see why folks get steroids- I didn't before, but now I do dammit. Wont GET them myself, but I see the desire.

I never felt like that. But God, it just made me realize something- I know absolutely nothing about bodybuilding. I don't know how to breath through a damn set, what to eat, a good schedule. And then I'm getting down 'cause I realize goddammit, I'm 19 and I haven't accomplished anything. You feel like you should have done something by now, but nope...

Not me.

Nothing. So I'm gonna work hard for my chest and my abs. I still have youth and I take after my dad's side with their propensity to be lean bastards.

Although if I don't get my chest, I'll give into this sick culture some more and get pec implants.

DONT JUDGE ME VAR!!!!!!one111 Dont Judge!

EDIT: You know I just realized something all late- could my trainer have broken me during my first workout so I could seem like the newbie I am- AND I would take him as my trainer? *gasps* Because I So told his ass all I did was run for 5x a week for an hour and even then i haven't even done that for months (constantly anyway) I feel a blend of aid and greed all mixed into one- my pockets feel as though they've been fondled! 'Cause the Degradation-buld up trick is so old and I think I might have fallen for it!
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